Dealing With Problem People

Abusive Boyfriend Advice

Lisa Lai's image for:
"Abusive Boyfriend Advice"
Image by: 

The more you put into something, the more you should be getting out of it. But unfortunately, in an abusive relationship, the more you put in likely, then the more you will lose. So ask yourself this. "Is my boyfriend's temper affecting my behavior?" If you are altering your behavior to placate him, you have to consider if you are in an abusive relationship or on the path to one.

Before you go any farther into a relationship of this nature, it is paramount to question why you are attracted to someone to whom you would ascribe a bad temper. Do you like him because of his status, popularity, good looks? Do you feel unworthy of him? Do you feel unlovable? Does he compensate for his bad behavior in grandiose ways? Recognizing how abusive people operate could help you recognize warning signs long before they become treacherous hazards. Also, remember that self evaluation before you get more involved with someone who displays negative personality traits that often are precursors to abusive situations, could help you gain insight into possible reasons you would subject yourself to such a situation. Situations in which you feel the need to compensate for or "protect" someone's feelings will wear on even the most patient of person. Ask yourself how much you are willing to sacrifice in order to stay with this person.

People who find themselves in a relationship that requires them to guard someone else's feelings find they need to make sacrifices in their personal lives. Here is a list of ways to keep the peace. If you find this list ridiculous, congratulations. Hopefully you will not tolerate allowing someone to bully you.

Tips for the girlfriend of an ill-tempered boyfriend:

1. Try to be diligent in your efforts to keep him happy. Remember what he likes, how he likes it, when he likes it. By all means don't do anything to upset his status quo.

2. If you live with him, you must be extra cautious. Some suggestions would be to wake up an hour before him to make sure his breakfast is prepared, his clothes are laid out and things are where he can find them. Mornings where things are in disarray are very frustrating to everyone so imagine how much it could set off a bad temper. God forbid he is inconvenienced in any way. Your goal should be to run interference making sure that anything that could potentially ruin a perfectly good day is removed. Stock the shelves and refrigerator with things he likes but don't go to the store on his time. Find times when he is enjoying a particular activity to run his and your errands.

3. Find out what bothers him and don't do it. If he doesn't like the way you do something, change. Nothing frustrates the short-tempered more than having to repeat themselves.

4. Always be early for every date. Don't ask for favors and never do anything to embarrass him in public. Like ask for directions or say hi to someone of the opposite sex. He may be sensitive to how this appears.

5. Tell your friends and family to keep their problems to themselves. They can call you at work but not on your cell. Your time is for your boyfriend and he really doesn't need the added frustration in life of your friends bugging you.

6. Maybe you have family or friends that your boyfriend doesn't particularly care for. Is it really worth sacrificing your boyfriends peace of mind by indulging these people in your life? You may consider ending relationships for the sake of your boyfriend. It will probably save you countless arguments.

Relationships are hard and require sacrifice, but how much sacrifice is reasonable. If you are not willing to give up your own happiness then maybe the short-tempered boyfriend isn't for you. If the above suggestions sound a little hard to live up to then maybe you are better off finding a boyfriend who has the emotional maturity to handle controlling his temper. Relationships should be built on trust and mutual support. One-sided relationships lose their sparkle too soon and sometimes become hard to walk away from. Be strong and committed to yourself before you commit to anyone else.

More about this author: Lisa Lai

From Around the Web