No break up is ever easy, however, breaking up with an alcoholic makes for a more complicated ending.
Eighteen months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of ten years, who is not only an alcoholic but obsessed with losing me. This has made for a very difficult new beginning with me. An alcoholic cannot accept the fact that a relationship ends, at least mine can't. I recently decided it was time to continue with my life, start going out with friends, and to have fun. When I do go out this leads to harassing phone calls, threats to both me and my friends, and lots of blame for the relationship ending.
After the breakup alcoholics usually use this as an excuse to drink heavier or stronger liquor, leading to a more obsessive behavior. I could sit here and list all the problems that the alcoholic has when their loved one leaves them, but it would be easier to explain what it does to the one who is trying to start over.
First, I went through the stage of feeling guilty for leaving, knowing that the alcohol was the main reason I had to leave. These guilty feelings lasted for months and months. i kept going over the facts, trying to figure out if there was something I could have done differently. Eventually, you realize there is nothing you could have done and no way that the relationship could continue because this relationship was so unhealthy to both of the people involved.
The next stage I went through was fear, fear of being seen in public and it setting my ex off on a drinking binge. Fear of running into him and the things he would say in public. Fear from being physically harmed and not being able to deal with it again. Finally, you get past this fear as best you can, even though you still look over your shoulder every time you leave your home.
Then comes hatred, the most powerful of all stages, and the one that carries you to the point of starting to move on with your life. I am going through this stage now and I have no idea how long it will last, but I believe it is the hardest to get through. This is where you come to the point of saying "Okay, I will no longer take the threats, the yelling, and the abusive language". This is the stage where you realize it is time that you let go of the fear and what happens, happens. You still look over your shoulder, but not near as often. You set a special ring tone for the ex but you no longer answer the calls that come in. You know longer sit at home every night wondering what will happen if you go out and have fun. You no longer sit in a corner while everyone else dances around you. Now you are out on the dance floor. You are mad, you are no longer hurting. You have a hatred in you, but not for the ex, but for the alcohol that makes him act the way he does.
You no longer remember any good times, and you no longer let what he thinks affect how you feel. You do what you should have done in the beginning of the end of the relationship. You finally stand on your own and take your life back into your own hands. This is the only way you can finally get your life back on the right track.
Leaving an alcoholic can be dangerous and it can always come back to bite you in the end, but living with the nightmare that it causes in your life can be just as bad. You take one step at the time each day and act like you are in a twelve step program, a program that helps you get back to normal.