Those who have mothers who complain do not love them any less then those who have perfect mothers. (I am told they exist. I have never met one.) Please remember as you peruse these life lessons that complaining mothers are loved, treasured and appreciated.
There is no reason to try and change your mother's behavior. If she wants to make a change, you can be her cheerleader. You can be part of a support system. Perhaps you can even be a sounding board. You can not, however, force your mother to stop complaining.
So what do you do about a complaining mother? Learn to have a sense of humor. A great sense of humor can be an exceptional defense mechanism.
Perhaps an example is in order. Ashina and Terry had learned to live with a mother who always seemed to find something to complain about. There was Ashina's crooked teeth and Terry could never get her hair just right. The way they spoke might be the problem. They came to realize there would always be an issue, so they learned to laugh.
The family was gather at their Mom and Dad's home and it was a 16 hour drive. Terry and Ashina got together and decided how to transport everyone on two vehicles.
They laughed as they recalled the complaints they received upon arrival on similar trips. The biggest complaints she had were not for the husbands or grandchildren, but there was always one waiting for "the girls". After much laughter and recollecting they agreed that she mentioned their tousled hair every time.
The plan was decided. They bought hats and just outside of town they would stop and brush their hair and put on hats. Mom would have to come up with a new complaint.
Terry started out with her passengers about seven hours before Ashina. She pulled into the driveway and they all piled out of the car.
"Oh Terry, couldn't you find a hat that matched your car?"
Terry gave Ashina a call to give her the news. They had a good belly laugh.
Complaining is sometimes a way of life. Most people who are chronic complainers bear no ill will. It is just a part of their nature. They don't complain to hurt people, it's simply the way they view the world. If others, don't respond to it, there usually isn't an issue. They say their piece and move along to the next complaint.
Hopefully, if there is a complaining mother, there is a complementing father who can teach the children the tools needed to deal with the complaints. They can devastate a child if they are taken to heart.