Grief And Loss

Dealing with Siblings after your Parent Dies



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"Dealing with Siblings after your Parent Dies"
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After your parent dies, having to deal with your siblings is perhaps one of the hardest things you have to do. It could be far more difficult if you have no siblings and so forth. There is always the slim possibility that some unknown half-sibling could come into the picture. There are cases in which this has happened. In regards to dealing with siblings after the death of a parent is quite difficult in general. However, there is no universal explanation at all. To be honest, it all depends on you and your siblings. The stories I have heard on dealing with relatives after a parent's death is quite different. No two people are the same. No two sets of siblings are the same either.


I can use one friend as a reference. Recently, her mother had passed away. Even before that, the mother was quite sick. Their father was going through hard times. After the mother passed away, the father was in an emotional wreck. My friend was the pretty much the only one that was there for him. The other siblings did not seem to care. All they seemed to care about were themselves. Her older brother and older sister seemed to be anxious about the insurance money that they would receive. The older brother seemed to be quite excited about the insurance money.


In this respect, the older brother has been a complete parasite the whole time. The older brother's girlfriend is even a bigger parasite. As soon as the mother died, the two of them have circled around the father like a pack of hungry vultures. One can say that this has been hard on her.


Ideally, siblings should be coming together in this time of need. But, this is not really an ideal world for the most part. Again, siblings are just like other people: they are different. The only "difference" is that they are your siblings. You really cannot always expect them to act different just because they are your siblings.


In case your siblings are still jerks after either your mother or father dies, the best thing to do is to confront them. You need to give them a piece of your mind. There are times in which they need that proverbial slap across the face to snap them back to their senses. Only do this if your siblings are acting like jerks. If your siblings have children, you should talk to and console them. The jerk siblings are usually the most unreliable in such situations. In this respect, you may find yourself having to be the reliable one.


Dealing with siblings after one of your parents dies could be extremely hard. However, it is not impossible. There are ways to deal with this. In the case of jerk siblings, you can always find support from outside the family. If you are in school, you can seek support from friends. You can seek support from your teachers and counselors. Hopefully the counselors will be reliable. There are cases in which school guidance counselors are unreliable.


At work, you could talk to your coworkers and/or boss. If your boss is reasonable, s/he would understand. A competent boss should know that an employee's emotional health plays a crucial role to business productivity.


If you have reliable friends, you can always lean on their shoulders. What if you are doing some sort of after school or after work activity for fun? You can pretty much lean on them for emotional support. Are you part of a local community theatre? Your fellow peers are usually good pillars for emotional support. Are you on a local sports team? If so, your teammates should give you emotional support when dealing with siblings.


Are you married? You can usually rely on your spouse. Hopefully, you can rely on your in-laws for the necessary support when dealing with siblings. Do you have children? There is nothing wrong with leaning on them. Do not underestimate children. They tend to be extremely aware.


In the case of my friend, I somewhat acted as emotional support. Every time she was online, I would send her an instant message asking how she was doing. We would get into talks about her brother and his girlfriend. To make matters worse, the girlfriend is pregnant. The brother and the girlfriend from what I have heard and learned would not make the best parents.


You can also write about the pains of dealing with siblings after a parent has died. You probably have a lot of pent up emotions. Writing about it does help a bit.


Hopefully, you can try to connect with your siblings. If that does not work, you can try confronting them. If that does not work, your probably have to take the bitter pill and not talk to them anymore. At times, there is nothing wrong with getting into a fist fight. I actually encouraged my friend to give her brother a good punch in the face. If siblings continue to act like jerks and parasites even after a parent dies, they do deserve to get beaten up. I also encouraged her to wait until after the girlfriend has the child. Afterwards, the girlfriend is fair game. Worst case scenario, that could be one of the few options left in dealing with siblings after the death of a parent.



More about this author: Can Tran

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