Meddling Parents. I think I have a story that takes the cake. When I announced at 26 that I was getting married the trouble started. Yes before we even walked down the aisle. My parents had always been controlling but as they saw their control slipping away, they fought it tooth and nail. The first set of arguments was over where the wedding would be, then the type of reception. I know it was supposed to be my big day but my mother had to have her say. Then the next argument was over whether or not I could change my name. My parents wanted my to keep my family name. Lovely people that they are, they even fought me for custody of my oldest child.
The focus of this article is the problems that they caused. My husband was and is a very independent person and that is part of what drew me to him. He resented their interference, they even went so far as to demand a key to our home. He grew to hate then and I felt that I was in the middle. I also resented their controlling behavior, and eventually tried to reduce their level of control. This was met with a great deal of resistance and arguing to the point that I quit taking their phone calls and refused to come to the door when they came around.
You see the more they tried to control, the less I respected them and the more I began to see that to them I was just a possession. A possession they wanted desperately to keep. We had to change our phone number, change our child's school and even fight them in court.
We survived and grew closer together. I know that if we had to face them again we would and could. But I also know that for all of their meddling we are stronger. Here are a few facts for children of controlling parents.
1. If they have to control you to love you, the problem is on their end, not yours.
2. You have a right to grow up and enjoy your own life.
3. Get the help of a good therapist.
4. Explain to your children when they are able to understand what happened and why.
5. Some fences are better left unmended.
6. Read the self help books, they help.
7. Check our parentsrights.org if they start interfering in how you raise your children, also check out the laws in your state for "Grandparent Visitations". Georgia says they can sue you but to win they have to prove that it would harmful to the child if they didn't see them.
8.Try to keep life as normal for your child as possible, don't repeat the cycle.
Maybe I went a little beyond the subject matter but people need to know that if the meddling goes to far their are things you cam do. First do try to talk to your parents in a non accusatory way. they may not be receptive to it, but it can help. Document everything that goes on and keep a file of police reports. Stay close to your husband, you need to have a unified front. If they are the other spouses parents, understand that your spouse has lived in this environment all of their lives and may not see anything wrong with it. If you love your spouse, let them make any decision and be supportive. Remember the qualities that drew you to your spouse in the first place. Some demands can be negotiated.