Marriage Psychology

How to get your Husband to go to Marriage Counseling

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"How to get your Husband to go to Marriage Counseling"
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If anyone asked me how to get a husband to go to marriage counseling, the first thing I'd say would be to explain that I got mine to go by giving him the ultimatum, "If you don't go with me to counseling, I'll leave." It worked. I was surprised, because you see, by then it didn't seem to me that he cared whether I stayed or left. Was this a test? The truth can be an ironic thing. He went, but it back fired in the end.

It's from that experience that I've come to believe that what we resist will always persist and what we force can end up in divorce, at least within marriage counseling, of course. You see, since he resisted going to counseling with me, I persisted and insisted until he finally gave in. That might have been what I wanted him to do, but where that fact would lead to, I had no clue.

We had huge issues, so it seemed to me that since neither he nor I could agree on how to solve the mystery of our bad married lives, we should seek someone wiser than he or I. As it turned out, she was wise enough, but even she, "The wise marriage counselor," could not fix our marriage. Every thing my husband resisted seeing, she insisted he see. She persisted relentlessly and tried to explain the reality through objective eyes. Even so, he remained blind to the fact that there are only twenty-four hours in a day and the fact that he played thirty-six holes of golf per day, left little to no time for his family. He refused to see that making me a golf widow might induce a few marital issues. The fact that he denied the truth was beyond my or the counselor's ability to comprehend, so in the end, she asked that in the future counseling sessions, we come in one at a time. I went back a dozen times, but my soon to be ex-husband never went back again.

After hours of time and a lot of cash, the facts of my marriage remained the same. Then again, as my counselor explained, "When one person in the relationship chooses to change, it will either make or break the marriage game." The other fact that remained is the fact that the only one I could ever change was me, so you see, we got divorced, of course.

That's why I'd advise that if you choose the counseling route, go for you and leave your husband alone. What you resist will always persist, so mind your own business. What you force could end up in divorce, because you see, we can't fix what someone else doesn't think needs to be mended. When it comes to someone else, other than ourselves, we have no control of where they choose to go or where they choose not to be. Go to counseling to improve yourself, and the marriage or divorce will take care of itself.

More about this author: Vicki Phipps

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