The relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is one of the most complicated and difficult ones. More often than not, this relationship is not developed well, and leads to catastrophic results which might cause tremendous damage in the long term on both sides. Luckily, there are ways for the situation to improve.
How to improve your relationship with your daughter-in-law
Try to see things from her perspective
It is practically impossible for a mother-in-law to get along with her daughter-in-law if she insists on forcing her opinions on her all the time. While it is true that old habits die hard, if you want the situation to really improve, you need to learn to see things from her perspective. Do not expect major changes overnight. This transition needs to be smooth in order to be a successful one. Furthermore, it needs to be a sincere one. If you only pretend to see things from her perspective, sooner or later she is going to realise it, and when that happens, your relationship will take a turn for the worse. Keep in mind that seeing things from her perspective, does not necessarily mean that you should agree with her. It will only help you understand her attitude and therefore be able to explain things that you couldn't up to that point. In all probability, your daughter-in-law will try to see things from your perspective as a well.
Keep a safe distance
If you want to improve your relationship with your daughter-in-law, you need to learn to keep a safe distance from her. When it comes to sensitive issues such as the way kids are raised, or the couple's romantic relationship, it is best not to interfere, unless you are specifically asked to by your daughter-in-law. If you are asked to give your opinion, make sure you are civil and diplomatic, without insisting too much on your opinions or clearly taking sides. Your daughter-in-law needs to feel secure in her role as a wife and mother, and that cannot happen if you keep on interfering too much as her mentor. By trying to keep a safe distance, you will show your daughter-in-law that you respect her enough and that you are willing to help her out if she wants to at the same time. In return, it is more than likely for your daughter-in-law to treat you with equal respect and take you more seriously.
Avoid putting her on a pedestal
Weird as it may seem, putting your daughter-in-law on a pedestal ultimately does more harm than good. Trying to live up to your expectations, she will gradually be getting more and more stressed out, as she will be feeling that she is walking on eggshells. She knows that if she makes a mistake you are going to judge her harshly and for that reason, she will not be able to be herself around you. To make the situation better, try to show her that you appreciate her for who she really is, and that you will be there for her to help her out, when she makes a mistake.
Try to be objective
If you are one of those mother-in-laws that see their children as perfect and can never admit not even to themselves that they make mistakes, it is for certain that your relationship with your daughter-in-law will suffer tremendously, as she is always going to be blamed for everything. Difficult as it may seem, you need to try to be as objective as possible once a problem arises. Try to see the situation from both sides and point out both the good and the bad without sounding judgmental. If you feel like you are losing control, it is best to walk away and say nothing at all.
Improving your relationship with your daughter-in-law is a difficult, but not an impossible goal. The above outlined tips can help tremendously towards that direction.