What you can expect from relationships after you lose your virginity is nothing. Maybe your first taste of sex was fantastic or perhaps it was just a relief that you finally did it. It's also possible that you might be miserable emotionally and physically. Whatever you're feeling, losing your virginity doesn't mean that all of your future relationships will include sex, so neither you nor your partners should expect sex to be part of your relationship.
There are some big misconceptions about relationships after losing your virginity like, you'll always be sexually active while in a relationship with:
~ the person you gave your virginity to.
~ your next casual or serious relationship.
~ all dates and hook ups that get hot and heavy.
Put these lies to bed because you still own your body, and you can use it as you please.
Now it's time to celebrate the fact that you can choose all of your future sexual partners without pressure or guilt because in the sexual world, everybody runs their own show. Sexual freedom belongs to you too...claim it and make the choice yours.
~ First, Shake off any Resentment ~
A lot of people dwell on the past and their past mistakes, especially when it comes to sexual issues. Even if things seemed to be going fine the first few times and you get dumped, chill and don't get caught up in the shame and sorrow cycle. What's done is done. Live and learn, and consider yourself older and wiser.
~ Get Things Back in Order ~
Whether you decide to reclaim your sexuality, decide to back off and slow down the progression of a current relationship, or had a great experience and want more...remember that sex even in its most basic forms, like passing secrets through kisses in a dark room can change your emotional bond to another person.
Knowing this is extremely important because your first sexual partner and any later partner may have feelings toward you, even if those feelings are only on the caveman level of, "Me did it and me want more, grunt...snort."
And they will try to get more, but if that's not what you want, stand firm in a nice way. No, the last statement was not an oxymoron. Anything less than firm will send the signal that you can be persuaded to change your mind. Not being firm in a "nice" way will ruffle feathers, cause resentment and could put you in danger.
~ Being Firm in a Nice Way ~
Being firm means looking a person in the eye while you speak and never saying you're sorry. Being nice is not placing the blame on them and not using "you" in the discussion, like..."you pushed me into it when I wasn't ready".
Plan what you want to say before you find yourself backed into a corner. If you are backed into a corner, stall and get away. Say things like, "I promised to be home soon," or "Oh man, I have to get to a bathroom." Avoid statements that will provoke anger like, "You're being a jerk. Stop it!"
Remember, firm will get you what you want, nice will keep you safe.
~ The Power of Words ~
There's also a lot of power in the words you choose. Some words are assertive and other words scream insecurity. The following words can add punch to your decision or make you sound unsure:
- think...Think means your decision is on the table.
- thought...Thought means the decision has been made.
- know ... Know is you're definitely certain.
- I don't know...I don't know means you're definitely not certain.
- sure...Sure can mean uncertainty.
- maybe...Maybe means you could be persuaded.
Here's our friend, Alex not being firm and projecting uncertainty:
Alex stared at the floor, "I'm really sorry. I don't know if I'm ready for sex, and I don't think I want to do it again. Maybe one day when I'm ready we can try this again, but right now I'm not sure."
Then Jamie says, "Yeah, whatever." And Alex asks, "Are you sure you're not mad?"
Here's Alex being firm:
Alex looked Jamie in the eyes, "I really thought I was ready to have sex, but now I know that I wasn't. I want to take things slow from now on until I feel ready."
If Jamie is okay with that or just says, "Yeah, whatever", don't back down, but it would be nice to praise Jamie's support with something like, "Thanks for being so understanding. It's really cool of you."
Use the assertive words to give you power and be firm to make you invincible.
~ It's Time to Think about the Future of Your Sex Life ~
Sex comes with a whole lot of emotional and physical baggage. Weather you decide to continue being sexually active or not, it's best to have a plan so you never get caught empty handed.
Bi, gay or straight, condoms are the safest bet around, and they're the best friend with benefits that you'll ever have. They come in all sizes, fun colors, textures, and flavors. They're also the only method of birth control that prevents sexually transmitted diseases than can kill you, make you crazy, and or make your skin crawl. Those are just a few of the complications of AIDS, syphilis and herpes.
And guys and girls while your risk is not as high for some diseases...oral sex without a male / female condom barrier does not prevent any of the above diseases, all that's needed is an open wound or sore in the hot spots.
If used properly, condoms also prevent pregnancy. Beyond condom use, are other methods best discussed with a physician.
~ When the Time Comes Again ~
Sure there will be sex in your future, but take your time and trust your instincts. If being with someone feels wrong or you find yourself hesitant, then that sexual relationship was never meant to be. If it feels right in your gut without anxiety, you'll know the time has come again.
The better you feel about the person you're having sex with, the better the sex. Why waste time trying to make a bad sexual relationship work when great sex with someone you care about is better.