Dating Psychology

Signs your Man Isn’t into you Anymore

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"Signs your Man Isn't into you Anymore"
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You want signs that your man isn't into you anymore? Are you reading this article? Hello! Is this thing on? If you are thinking it, it's probably so. You're just looking for validation at this point. Women sit by the phone waiting for a guy to call. If he calls to tell you he's made other plans (especially when you already have plans), you'll find that group of women who will gush that her man is special because he called to let her know he couldn't make it. Sigh.

He's not that into you. It's a simple phrase and a simple concept, but women tend to romanticize things a man does long after she should have cut him loose. And if he's not into you, you need to cut him loose.

Here's my story which I'm sure more than a handful will recognize:

I was married for 21 years to a man described as God's gift to husbands/fathers. He changed. He did the mid-lifer, became an alcoholic AND had a breakdown all for good measure. I started looking up articles on midlife crisis. I photocopied them, and gave them to him to show him what was going on with his life and how he was losing what he had worked so hard to earn.

NOW LISTEN UP. While I was looking these articles up, he was sitting in a bar with a girlfriend. He was buying her roses. She was sitting in the front seat of my vehicle on some nights.

He just wasn't into me anymore.

Most of the signs that your man is not that into you anymore will revolve around how YOU behave soooo much more than any sign he will give. Seriously. Take a look at yourself. Regardless of his signs, your signs are more important. The answer, my friend, is always inside you. Eleanor Roosevelt once said something to the effect of-courage is being able to do the thing you fear, the thing you cannot do. So, look inside you, even though you are afraid to confirm the answer.

He has signs and you have signs. Look at your own signs first. Be proactive, and take control of your life. Why wait for his signs?

Are you all of a sudden preoccupied with your looks-losing weight, changing your hair color, the way you dress.

Are you hanging out in clubs with younger people, listening to music you didn't before-even if you don't like it? There is nothing wrong with trying new things. It's all in the WHY! Are you doing things for you or to make yourself seem more attractive to the guy? If you are doing it because you are feeling insecure, you already know he's not that into you, right?

Are you making excuses to friends about his behavior, the same behavior you would have advised a friend to kick a guy to a curb over just a year ago? Now you're rationalizing that your man is "going through stuff." He never yells, he never calls names, he never broods. He's going through stuff. Let him find a person he is into, and all of a sudden he'll turn on the charm.

Are you feeling the need to be happy, up and on all the time, even when he is miserable, rude and inattentive? Do you find yourself holding back a retort for fear it will escalate and he will get angry with you? People have bad days in relationships. In a normal relationship, you try to do the right thing, and if you have that bad day, you sincerely apologize and move on. If you are insecure, thinking he's not that into you, you avoid.

As I've been there and fell hard, my entire perspective on this: "Is he into you" question can be answered with the adage "Physician, heal thyself." Women always want to deconstruct, de-engineer and fix. While you are doing that, he's out having a great time, building a new life. If he were interested, you wouldn't be reading this article right now.

Work on yourself FOR THE RIGHT REASONS. That said, he may have lost interest because you let yourself go, got wrapped up in the children to the detriment of your marriage, etc. If that's the case, concentrating on yourself will help with that AND make you feel better, regardless of whether or not he's in your life. You will become the person he knew from the start. If he doesn't sit up and take notice, I guarantee you that you will still feel better about yourself. And, you might even find out that you're not too thrilled with some of the changes he's made in his life, and you're not that into HIM anymore.

Work on you. Be the best you can be. The rest will fall into place.


More about this author: Kim Remesch