Manipulators I have known, in fact I’ve played with the best. Manipulative people are the ones who seek to bend you to their will, or to their agenda (if they even know what that agenda is!) They exist in the business world, the people we come into contact with at work and the community, and they exist in our personal relationships. Dealing with a manipulator can be a truly negative experience; here are some tips on how to deal:
Recognize a manipulator at 50 feet
Manipulative people are typically very charming and extroverted, their very energy draw’s you in at first and you love to be in their presence. Often highly energetic or always on the go’, manipulator’s always have a deal or project going on, and feed their energy by taking other’s along for the ride. Initially they can appear to be very good listeners.
In the business world a manipulator may be your supervisor, boss or even a co-worker, and appear to be someone you want to emulate. After all, manipulative people typically appear friendly, successful and happy. Trouble is, it’s all on the surface. True manipulator’s rarely keep the same set of friends for long, rarely stay in the same job long, watch more business deals fail than the ones that prosper, and often have trouble staying with the same romantic partner for extended periods of time.
Cracks in the veneer
The first time you disagree with a manipulator, (no matter how good they are) will show you a crack in their veneer. Manipulative people have to have an audience or a posse, and dissenters are seen as a threat to their identity. The first time you disagree, even on some minor personal or professional point, any class A manipulator gets thrown into a tailspin.
A manipulator thrives in taking you over’ often thinly disguised as making you their protegy’ or helping you with your career within a business setting. In a personal relationship a manipulator employs a process of grooming’ you in to who they need you to be for their survival. Who you really are is typically of little importance.
When you begin to verbally disagree, point out inconsistencies in a manipulator’s behaviour, they typically do one of three things; attack, back off if they see you as too much of a challenge, or try harder to manipulate you. No matter how bad their behaviour gets, they rarely apologize. Any of these actions from a manipulator is meant to accomplish only one thing; make you come running to do their bidding while your own self esteem is broken down.
Recognize that manipulators are weak
We all experience a certain amount of manipulation in life; but when you have truly become uncomfortable with someone, confronted them only to feel weak, lost, hurt and manipulated, you are dealing with a problem manipulator. Recognizing that you have been manipulated is the first tip in distancing yourself from them and their agenda’s. While it may not be possible to avoid a manipulator, you should know you cannot change them, only your reaction to their often bizarre behaviour.
Manipulator’s are selfish and controlling, at the root of which is their own damaged self esteem. Never go into combatative mode with a manipulator, knowing what they are should be enough, and you can once again concentrate on you and your own goals. By doing so you show more strength than a manipulator ever can, and at the end of the day the only person a true manipulator will be left with is themselves and their agenda’s.
Until the next victim comes along….