Couple Communication

Ways to Calm down after an Argument



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We've all had our fair share of arguments, whether it is with our partner or someone we've had a disagreement with. All types of arguments cause undue stress and anguish for most people. Things being said, things being left unsaid and cruel and hurtful off the cuff remarks can leave us devastated, hurt or angry.

One that is left unresolved can cause thoughts to reel through our minds and false assurances, issues left unresolved and further tension and they then make matters worse.

In the heat of an argument we can say and do things we may regret later. We need to be able to calm ourselves to avoid emotional upheaval and gather our thoughts. An argument removed from emotion is more sensible and encourages the issue to be resolved calmer and faster.

Here are some ways to calm yourself down after an argument to avoid the tension and emotion caused by them.

1) Count from 10 to 1 and breath deeply

Slowly count backwards from 10 to 1. Counting allows you to slow the thought process, be calmer and tackle your thoughts with more clarity.

2) Remove yourself from the situation

Go for a brisk walk to work off some of that excess energy. The clean air will also clear your head and the time to gather your thoughts. This will then allow you proceed in a more rational way.

3) Have a cool refreshing shower

If the argument has taken place at home, head towards the shower or bath. By soaking the tension away will allow you time to gather your thoughts and become calmer.

4) Go to the gym or swimming pool

If an argument has been left unresolved and tension still exists, head down to your local gym to punch and exercise the pent up energy.

Doing laps in a pool also eases tension. Swimming can be very relaxing and allows you to think and gather your thoughts.

5) Go outside and yell very loudly

Head outside your door, look up to the sky and scream or yell as loud as you can. You'd be surprised just how beneficial this is. Yelling or roaring will remove that pent up energy and emotion.

6) Write

Grab pen and paper and write down your thoughts. Sitting down and writing your thoughts and problems on paper is a calmer exercise than its given credit.

Once you have put your argument and thoughts on paper, you can then use this opportunity to write a letter or note to the person whom you were arguing with. Sometimes what we say in an argument comes out wrong, by writing it down it lets you present your argument with more clarity.

7) Give your Pet a Cuddle

Animals have long been known to relieve stress and calm people. Go to your dog and cat and give them a cuddle. An animal's innocence and devoted love to their owners make us feel calm after an argument.

8) Aromatherapy

I'm always advocating the use of essential oils and they're especially helpful to relieve tensions after an argument.

Burn some patchouli oil in an incense burner as it's known for it's calming effects.

Use 3 drops Patchouli (calming) 3 drops Lemon (clarity) and 3 drops Frankincense in an oil burner to promote clear thinking and relieve tensions.

Burn essential oil of Benzoin, or burn some benzoin gum in a room after an argument. Benzoin used to be used to drive away evil spirits, but after an argument it improves the atmosphere of a room.

9) Acupressure for Stress

Place your finger in your third eye position, directly between your eyebrows and press gently for 3-5 minutes.

Another way to relieve stress through acupressure is to place your palm against your forehead and apply pressure for 3-5 minutes.

10) Go play some loud music

Loud music will stop those reeling thoughts going around and around in your mind. Dance and jump some of your energy away, sing loudly and feel the pent up tension and emotion leave your body.

11)Visualization and Grounding

Take your shoes off and head out to a lovely patch of grass. When standing on the grass, imagine roots growing out from the soles of your feet and embedding themselves deep into the soil. Stand or lay down and imagine the anger in your body, it could look like a red throbbing ball. Still using visualization, move this ball down through your body and out through the soles of your feet, to eventually be swallowed by the earth.

By doing this you will remove the negative ball of anger from your body and ground yourself in the process.

The best way to alleviate the stress and anxiety caused by some arguments is by learning how to argue. Being an adult comes a lot of responsibility, and this responsibility needs to be used in arguments. Learn to fight and argue fairly and rationally, avoid the use of too much emotion and you'll find your arguments become less aggravated and frequent.

More about this author: R.L Hanlon

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