Dating - Other

What to Expect when you Move in with your Boyfriend



Susan Klatz Beal's image for:
"What to Expect when you Move in with your Boyfriend"
Caption: 
Location: 
Image by: 
©  

If you are a woman who is about to move in with you boyfriend for the first time, all those happy, loving and warm feelings that exist when a couple doesn't have to be around one another for 24 hours a day may cloud your sense of reason, blinding you to the realities of living together and the way by which your relationship may change.The biggest mistake that any girl or woman can make when moving in with her boyfriend for the first time is to think that things will always stay the way they are. But since life is funny sometimes, anything can happen.

You cannot move in with a boyfriend and expect that things will be hunky dory all the time. People who have been married for fifty years have had arguments or disagreements .The reason those arguments or disagreements don't destroy the marriage is because these couples understand that these things can happen and are willing to work to resolve their differences.

As long as you know what to expect before you move in with your boyfriend, you can prepare yourself for this new situation and that will make this transition much smoother and easier. Be prepared to expect the unexpected and be willing to be completely committed to resolving your differences.

Here is a look at some of the things you can expect when you move in with your boyfriend. Knowing these things in advance can help you decide more objectively whether you really wish to go through with this move.

*Don't try to change him -

Any girl or woman who walks into a relationship, especially one of co-habitation with a man and expects to change him is setting herself up for a big disappointment. The more you try to change him, the more he will resist those attempts, and that will cause him to pull away from you. He will also start to resent you for your efforts.

*Don't insist that he do things you way -

If you're used to doing things a certain way, don't demand that he do things the same way. If you have a certain way of doing things, that's fine. If you want him to help you or do things to help around the house, allow him to do them his way without your interference. If you try to force him to do everything your own way, he'll just give up and refuse to help.

*Don't take over the entire place -

Don't expect to have 99% of the closet space and not have him feel a bit of resentment over your presumptuousness. Don't take over every inch of space in the bathroom so that he doesn't even have a place to put his toothbrush. Go into this arrangement with a willingness to share the space. That's the only way you'll make this work.

*Don't try to control his life -

If you attempt to try to control his life so that he can't hang out with the guys, he'll feel compelled to pull away from you. He'll probably begin to resent you and the closeness you believed there was in your relationship will all but disappear. Accept that he's going to have his friends, and expect him to accept that you're going to have your friends.

*Be respectful of his interests -

Even if he is interested in things you have no interest in, you owe it to him and to your relationship to be respectful of those interests. You can't expect him to be respectful of your interests if you can't do the same thing for him.

*Be clear about your expectations before you move in together -

Don't move in together without talking about any of your expectations before doing so. If you expect to split the rent, then be clear on that ahead of time. If you expect to share living expenses, clarify that in advance. If you want him to help with housework, cooking or other things around the house, make sure you discuss that ahead of time.

He's not going to be a very happy guy if you fail to discuss that and all of a sudden, you tell him you've decided that on Saturday, you're both staying home to clean house.

*Don't be a nag -

Nothing turns a guy off faster than a nagging woman. If you need to ask him to do something, ask him politely and ask once. Don't repeat your request every few seconds ad infinitum until he gets to the point where he wants to walk out of the house.

*Be flexible -

Being flexible is the key to making this living situation work well. You both have to be open to bending to the other's needs, wants or requests. If you are flexible, you will be able to make compromises without feeling like you're being deprived of something.

The decision to move in with your boyfriend can be a very enlightening one. It can open your eyes to whether or not you feel that this is a relationship that you want to stay in for a long time and it can help you both see whether you've both found that special person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. It can also be a learning experience that teaches you both how to be adaptable enough to live with another person, to respect their space, their concerns and their interests.

A meaningful relationship cannot survive on sex alone. As important as the sexual part of the relationship is, it's only a small piece of a much bigger puzzle, and that puzzle can't be complete without all of the pieces. To have the sort of wonderful, meaningful and fulfilling relationship that you've imagined in your mind, you both need to be mature enough to be adaptable, considerate, sensitive and concerned about the other person's wellbeing, feelings, concerns, hopes and more. When all of the crucial components of a healthy relationship exist, living together may be one of the most significant experiences of your life as well as his.

More about this author: Susan Klatz Beal

From Around the Web




ARTICLE SOURCES AND CITATIONS