Family Dysfunction

Why Mother and Daughter Relationships are often Strained

Wayne Leon Learmond's image for:
"Why Mother and Daughter Relationships are often Strained"
Image by: 

The strained relationship between mother and daughter becomes more evident as the daughter gradually gets older. In teenage years especially, there is often a conflict between daughter and mother - with the both of them seeing each other as rivals. If the father has a close relationship with his daughter but the mother does not, this can often cause many arguments within the home.

What happens here is that, in some cases, the daughter begins to take over the roll of the wife, relegating the 'original' wife to the background. The mother ceases to become a 'mother'  and begins to wonder about her role in life and what she means to her husband and family.

She sees, with increasing anxiety, how this young child she gave birth too has suddenly changed before her eyes. Her daughter has ceased to become a daughter - to all intents and purposes - and has changed beyond all recognition. She begins to think for herself, to do more things for herself and she becomes more independent.

Of course this is natural, as any child growing up is bound to become independent of their parents sooner or later. Yet, in many cases, the daughter not only grows up to think more for herself, but she becomes a rival to her mother. Jealousy can set in within both mother and daughter, with each competing against the other - in reference to make-up, fashion and clothes.

Tensions and jealousy can set in - especially when the mother sees her own looks beginning to diminish while her daughter is in the prime of her life - young, fresh and vibrant. Instead of feeling pride for her daughter, there are many mothers who are secretly jealous of their daughter's looks, their body and their self-confidence.

This can and often does cause friction within the home, as both mother and daughter battle against each other for supremacy. The mother trying to hold onto her role of that of a mother, while the daughter begins to become everything that her mother used to be, Friction very often sets in and this can lead onto many other complications.

If the daughter is the apple of her father's eye and can twist her father around her little finger, asking for anything and receiving it, then this too can cause major arguments within the home. If the daughter is not getting what she wants from her mother, then she will simply turn to her father to provide what she needs - especially if her father spoils her.

Arguments and jealousy follow, as the mother very often feels that she is being undermined by her husband, in front of her daughter. The relationship between mother and daughter becomes strained, and uncomfortable as each become involved in battle within their home for the attentions of the father and husband.

To sum up, there will always be a certain amount of tension between mother and daughter. As the daughter grows into a young woman the boundaries are defined and set. This can cause friction as the mother then, in many cases, ceases to become a mother. She tries to define what her role is and jealousy sets in. Rivals in make-up, fashion, clash of personalities - and rivals for the attention of the husband and father can all play a major part in tension between mother and daughter.

More about this author: Wayne Leon Learmond

From Around the Web